Tuesday, May 6, 2014

I Miss You

Many years ago, I used to suffer from a bizarre malady. I would get through each day reasonably well, but feeling slightly off-colour all the time. I once described it to a doctor as being in a dream and as if my soul was slightly displaced a few centimetres to the left of my body.
It kind of felt like I was on Valium, but with a touch of nausea and a troubled bowel. The headaches were not intense like my migraines (Vestibular or otherwise) can be, but more like the moment you first resurface after diving in a pool.
Through a number of tests, my doctor and I eventually came to the realisation that I had an odd allergy… to beef.

Yes. Beef.
So, for the past decade, I have avoided beef wherever I can. (It’s hard in Australia as they use beef instead of pork in their sausages, so sometimes I can’t avoid it!)
(Oh, delicious pork sausages! You are the finest of all foods!)
Last night, I had a friend over for dinner (not in the Hannibal Lecter sort of way) and I was planning on doing my old favourite, lamb chilli. However, the local supermarket had no lamb mince!!
So, I thought I’d be brave and have a crack at beef mince again. Well, it certainly tasted very nice.
Today? Hmmm. Well, I am feeling a tad spaced out and my daily trip to the room of requirement was a little more uncomfortable than usual. It’s not fun.
The worst thing is? I made shitloads of this chilli, and I have frozen it in batches to last a few meals.
*big sigh*
I miss you, beef...

This takes me onto another story.One which might disgust you (as it should!)
I used to work at a family-run steakhouse in Derbyshire. I was 19 years old and I did a damn good job as a waiter. The customers found me very entertaining and I was efficient and respected.
However, in my personal life, I was going through some rough stuff and I had "come out" of the legendary closet, but I kept this to my friends and family. However, after many months working bloody hard on those busy Friday and Saturday nights at, perhaps, one of the most popular family-run joints in the area, the bosses caught the breath of a rumour on the wind of gossip. Yes, someone let it slip that I was a DIRTY HOMOSEXUAL! (Despite the fact that I had actually not become a practising one at this point!)
Well, that evening, i turned up for work and one of the managers (a pretty female blonde young thing - perhaps a member of the Aryan Race) and she told me that the owners didn't want me to talk about my sexuality in front of anyone (I hadn't) and I wasn't to flaunt myself (never did) as, and I quote verbatim, "We don't want to attract that kind of clientele!"
Then, to "punish" me, they didn't allow me out on the restaurant floor that night, they made me clean out all the massive bins out the back. They were so big, I had to climb in them. I got filthy and smelly.
That was the last night I worked there. I didn't hand in my notice, I just never went back.
Which is a shame, as I really liked their steaks with peppered gravy.
People can really be vile, can't they?!

3 comments:

  1. Yep people can be, and often are, pretty vile. Side note, are you saying your beef aversion might be traceable to your experience at that steak house?

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  2. Hmmm, good thought. Yes. Let's say 'yes'. Why not?!
    Bastards.

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  3. That restaurant sounds allergic to money.

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