As children, we are reliant on our parents, siblings and other family members to act as our support network. Upon attending nurseries, pre-school and further educational bodies, we begin to develop friendships as our need to form a surrogate family grows. Some relationships blossom out of necessity and a sheer desperation for a form of love and recognition; other times it is pure serendipity.
As we grow and change throughout puberty, our personalities morph and, in some cases, chasms form between those with whom we once thought we had unbreakable bonds. Our needs change. Our desires become more definable.
As adults we develop working relationships and social partnerships. We fulfil roles in a variety of scenarios and alter our temperament to tailor each event and suit the denizens within.
Our constant need for others to interact with continues throughout our lives until we, probably, end up in a caring home where our needs are not simply confined to someone to wipe our backsides.
You will see the repetition of the word ‘needs’. It’s quite a complicated word for, despite everyone having them, we don’t freely admit to it. I have always needed friends and, quite frankly, have been reliant on them a little too heavily throughout my adult life. The problem is that, as others have grown up and found their life-partners, careers and created their own families, I have remained rather immature and infantile in my own desires and needs.
Finding myself back within the bosom of my family and unemployed, I have discovered (rather unpleasantly) that there is no one who needs me any more. Obviously, my own mother loves me and needs me to be happy, but as a being with little to offer, I have become superfluous to requirement. When I had my beautiful cat, Fizzgig, I had someone who genuinely needed me there to aid their existence. Sadly, I no longer have that role.
This is NOT a cry out for false platitudes but rather a statement of fact and clarity. When I find myself a job, I will probably have a different perspective on things, but at the moment I feel as though my talents are worthless and other people’s needs do not warrant my skills or presence. Maybe people engage in coupling for the sole reason to escape this dreaded feeling of being ‘unneeded’. To be loved, yes, but also to be relied upon. Without those who need us, are we lacking in any serious validation?
Mulder once claimed that Scully was his “human credential” and I instantly understood what he meant by that.