So, as it turned out, I did pass the audition for the SBS game show Letters and Numbers and today was the day of the filming.
Yesterday, I finally had proof of two things when I awoke with a stinking cold;
1) God exists
2) He has a nasty sense of humour.
I spent the majority of the day polishing my nose a bright Rudolph hue with a large quantity of tissues - even Aloe Vera soaked snotrags can become abrasive over time - and I dosed myself up with a variety of medications including Sudafed, Lemsip and pizza.
This morning, I was slightly stressed. I sense a waft of muffled laughter at the word 'slightly' and those who chortle are well within their rights to do so.
So, after a night of mucus and bogeys, I awoke to a head which felt as though it was plunged in a barrel of custard. I could barely hear not speak. However, I was determined to be on the show.
You see, one cannot win.
If I had decided not to go on account of the cold, I would have been called pathetic, like all men who 'suffer' when sick.
Going to the filming whilst sick, some may deride me as playing the martyr.
I could not win either way. So, I plumped for the latter because I just knew I wanted to do it. After watching Countdown in the UK since it's birth, I could not miss out on this opportunity. Phlegm be damned!
In the documents of instruction, it advised against wearing any black or stripy shirts. Well, that ruled out most of my wardrobe. I had to forage amongst a pile of charity-bound clothes in the spare room to find something adequate. We, as contestants, were also advised to bring six changes of clothes in case we have to film plenty of episodes during the day. I, being the pessimist (and realist) that I am, only took four.
I ironed and then proceeded to dress in readiness to leave. I thought I ought to sign the appropriate papers before heading out, only to grab the leakiest pen in the house and proceeded to get it all over my hands. I cursed like a wounded sailor with gout and desperately tried to wash it off my hands with mere minutes to spare before my train.
Eventually, I was out of the house and on the train - then it occurred to me I may not have switched the iron off. ARGH!
At the studios, I chatted to the other contestants who were equally as nervous and I was delighted to discover that I was lucky enough to be the first episode's challenging contestant.
I met my opponent (Oliver - hmmm, cute!) and we had a bit of a rehearsal, went into make-up, got my microphone weaved through my garments and set about recording my episode.
I should also add that there is nothing like filming for a TV show to loosen the most severe constipation. What relief!
I can't go into detail about how the game went - I'd probably be sued, like anyone cares! - but it was rather fun. I was terribly nervous; my hands were sweating and I was shaking a bit. Unfortunately, I did not do as well as I would have liked, but at least I got the conundrum in the final round - GO ME!
Some of the word games were just embarrassing and I only got low scoring words - As for the numbers... well, see for yourself when it airs.
I did have the option of staying all day for free lunch and watching the rest of the filming, but I felt so full of cold (my usual tones are not as blissful as normal, so when/if you see the episode, I may sound a bit odd) that I opted to return home and snuggle up on the couch and do some well-earned recuperation.
All I regret is not getting Oliver's number. He was definitely my type.
Oh, and I hadn't left the iron on - hence my ability to post this blog in the comfort of my own non-flambéd home.