Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tomorrow Never Comes

I will not be surprised if you feel the need to scold and chastise me for being so slack in updating this blog. The truth is I just haven’t been quite interesting enough to post anything worthy. Whenever I have thought about something to post, I have procrastinated with the old adage; "Oh, it can wait until tomorrow!"

However, that said, here is a round-up of various events and notions from the past few weeks.

I have been having some recurring dreams. Two of which are most vivid. One is about David Tennant's final Doctor Who stories (in which I am a companion) and the other is me having a second crack at being a Stand-Up comedian – I am not counting the horrifying memory of me 'having a go' one Comic Relief back in my school days where I thought the height of comedy was wearing my clothes on backwards in walking onto the stage in reverse.

My first proper foray into the oh-so-hilarious world of comedy was back in 2000 when I spent time at a 'Humourversity' (I kid you not) which was an evening class run over a few months. It eventuated in me having a few gigs in and around Melbourne. Not all were side-splitting, thigh-slapping, eye-watering successes; but not all had the crowds akin to a Gorgon’s audience.
Performing comedy was something I had always wanted to do despite the vast majority of friends telling me that I was about as funny as athlete's foot. When in doubt, I said to myself, tell the joke about Father O'Brien, the pope and the very large fish.

Well, I ticked that box on my list of things to do before I die and luckily, I didn’t die on stage.
Nine years later, I ponder the notion of having another crack, thanks to these dreams in which I seem to have people rolling in the aisles. Last night's cracker of a joke was me saying to the crowd; "I hope I'm giving you your money’s worth… you paid five cents entry fee, right??" Cue hoots of laughter.

Going back to my other recurring dream, I have become rather fond of the tenth Doctor and he's going to be severely missed when he regenerates. I had fooled myself into believing that he'd stay around and 'outlive' Tom Baker, being the huge fan of the show that he is. Heaven knows, if I was offered the role, I'd be there for years. However, we Doctor Who fans know what happened the last time an actor said that. Damn you Michael Grade.

Yes, I know I'm not an actor. Yes, I know I live in Australia. Yes, I know the chance of me becoming the Twelfth Doctor is more remote than me winning the lottery or being eaten by a moth, but I like to keep the dream alive.
So, in my dreams, I am merely the companion.

Moving on…

Anyone who knows me will be fully aware that I am not exactly a sports buff. I have always been averse to competitive physical activities and I was utterly useless at practically every single event at school. The one exception was the hurdles. This is neither interesting nor important, but I thought I’d throw this fact into the mix for trivia fans.

Football in particular has been a cryptic conundrum to me. I just don't see the appeal and I often get frustrated when trying to figure out what’s going on and why people care so much. However, I have now watched two AFL games during the past decade in Australia and each one was a grand final. Also, each time, the Geelong football team have won. They are known as the Cats… So, if anyone ever asks me who I 'barrack' for, I shall say Geelong. Why not, eh?
I have watched these two games purely in support of my friend Louise who also supports said team and it is fun to see her get so involved. I also see it as a good excuse to sit on a settee, drink lots of tea and eat a lot of snack food. Sure, I could do that at home, but the added bonus of seeing Louise jump up and down squealing and cheering makes it so much better.

Now for the news.

Vegemite (The Australian equivalent of Marmite for those Brits out there reading this) have released a cheesy variant and they had a competition open to the public to come up with a name for this new product.
The winning moniker is 'iSnack 2.0'.
I can't bring myself to type it again, even for comic effect.
They obviously didn't like my entry; 'Poo in a jar'.
Maybe they thought it was an instruction.

Polanski is arrested.
Oh, conflict in my brain!!
I just love the films of Roman Polanski. Repulsion, Rosemary’s Baby, Knife in the Water, Frantic, Death and the Maiden, I even loved The Ninth Gate! He finally won an Oscar for The Pianist. (Which I am still yet to see, shockingly. Yes, it has the beautiful Adrien Brody in it, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to be a barrel of laughs. I will have to be in the right mood. And even Mr Brody’s handsome nose could not save the horrors of King Kong – cripes, that was bad!)

I do not condone Roman's sexual assault of a thirteen year old girl back in 1977.
Yes, she has asked for the charges to be dropped as she wants to move on with her life after all these years. Roman has avoided America and punishment all these years and during that time he has made some phenomenal cinema.
Should he now be punished?
I look at it like this… if Josef Fritzl wasn't punished, he may have gone on to create the greatest cartoon character in the history of animation – The Adventures of Jeffrey the Blue Mouse. Loved by children and winner of many awards and critical acclaim.
This does not mean his crimes are exonerated.

Or has Roman been punished enough? Was the murder of Sharon Tate et al a factor in the cosmic balance of pre-emptive karma? Was it a trigger to his act later on? Should it matter?

He made a mistake; a very misguided and terrible mistake. But has he atoned for his sins? I, for one, dare not make that call.

Finally, I return back to my health, which I have frequently commented on before.

I have stopped going to the hospital to get advice and medication for my vestibular migraines. Each time I go, I have to take time off work, fork out dough for a bunch of mad-ass tablets with side-effects worse than the initial problem. So what is the friggin' point? I am going to see how I manage just coping with the headaches, numbness and dizziness. I’d rather put up with that than gain extra weight and be continually drowsy.

In other medical dramas, I am getting that ugly lump removed from my shoulders – No, not my head! Cheeky!!

I have had a large cyst on my back for some years. I have had it removed once before about thirteen years ago, but it grew back. It is not dangerous or anything, but it does make me feel like Quasimodo’s younger brother.
I could get it delicately removed by an expensive plastic surgeon, but I am not that vain or wealthy, so I have asked my GP to stab me with needles and scrape the bastard out. This monstrosity has been the bane of my self-image for some time and it has to go.
To think how strongly I feel about it, one wonders how on Earth I could have forgotten the bloody appointment last week! Idiot that I am. I have re-booked and hopefully, if all goes to plan, the offensive protrusion of doom will be slaughtered next Wednesday.

So, that’s my latest blog. A bit of everything. Even though I wrote this yesterday, I once again procrastinated to actually post this. Tomorrow never comes, eh? Well it's tomorrow now and here's my post! (?)

Friday, September 4, 2009

Clock Goes Round

Well, I have found a new way to pass the time (read as: waste time)!

On Monday, I signed up for a new dating website, only this time, it was not one of those nasty, creepy, dirty, gay websites where everyone is feral and after one thing. Yeauch *shudder* etc.

I have tried those websites before and all I have experienced is sleazy blokes wanting to get their end away. Sorry chaps, you're barking up the wrong tree with me. I prefer to meet people with similar interests, who like a chat, a mug of tea and want to discover more about my mind rather than how big my penis is. (not that I'm ashamed of that, thank you very much! I just think there is more to a man than his genitalia - heaven forbid!)

So, this new site I am on is great fun. I dare not share with you the name as I fear that people will go looking for me and mock my profile, so for now, just be aware it is a site that caters for all types of people. It is funny, entertaining and easy to navigate. I have been on for five days now and have enjoyed the whole thing.

I cannot deny that I am slightly disheartened by the lack of interest so far, but I think that may have something to do with my blatant love of Doctor Who. However, I feel it is necessary to have it out there because, frankly, you get me - you get the Doctor. That's how it works, folks.

So, each night this week, I have been perusing profiles, answering compatibility questions and adjusting my own profile. It's all been a bit of fun. It has eaten into my spare time though. Normally my evenings are spent either reading a book or watching DVDs in front of that old comfortable friend, the TV. This week it's been me, sat in my cold kitchen at my computer desk, typing away and proffering my soul to all and sundry in a desperate attempt to lure somebody into my heart.

I'm not unlovable (I hope) so I imagine there is somebody out there who isn't too much of a nymphomaniac, who likes quiet nights in, isn't allergic to cats, loves a good murder and will enjoy being whisked away in the TARDIS on regular occasions.

If they've got a nice willy, then that's a bonus! (tee hee)