Let It Go

One of my favourite moments in the sublime, cult ‘90s sitcom Absolutely Fabulous is when Saffy explains to her mother that all one needs to do to lose weight is eat less and exercise more, to which Edina replies “Sweetie, if it was that easy, everyone would be doing it.”

Although this line always brings a huge grin to my face, I wonder if it really is that simple.

A few years ago, I had managed to lose nearly 20 kilograms through excessive walking and cautious consumption, but I was indeed younger. So, last year, it wasn’t quite so easy.

Just like many frequent dieters, my weight fluctuates more than Chandler Bing’s. Why do I keep falling off the wagon?

As my birthday falls on the 200th day of the year (and I was turning forty), I decided in 2015 to create a challenge for myself – ‘200 Days Until 40’ – I even attempted to blog about it to force myself to adhere to the rules. I would list everything I ate throughout the day and wrote down the various attempts at exercise that included everything from walking to swimming. I even posted a picture of an incentive – the kind of body I would like to have. Admittedly, I was 39 years old and quite frequently the type of Adonis featured were way beyond my capabilities due to not being 20 anymore. Occasionally, there would be physical specimens within my age group – from Ryan Kwanten to Daniel Craig. The problem with these role models is that they are rather wealthier than I and tend to have a little more free-time, but it was a start.

However, despite all the attention to the blog, things did not go according to plan and I only managed to lose about 10 kilos over the course of six and a half months. As soon as the project was over, whoomph!, I was back to stacking on the blubber.

So, we need to ask why?

Quite often, those around potential slimmers will say, kindly, “You look fine as you are!” or similar pleasantries. The problem is that we aren’t happy with the way we are and quite often it can be down to mental health issues such as low-self esteem, depression, self-loathing and more. Should we be attempting to tackle these issues before working on our bodies or would the healthy body lead to a healthy mind? It’s a conundrum and one that cannot easily be solved with a blanket rule – it is different for all of us.

I loathe my current shape. If I force myself to strip and look at myself in the mirror, I am physically repulsed and disgusted. I am not obese (unless we listen to the rather strict ‘BMI’, which I prefer to ignore!) and some quite like my more solid frame, but I feel terrible. Hefty, chunky and sausage-like. If I wrap around a white towel whilst reflecting on my form, I look like a pig in a blanket (sans mustard)

How do I combat this horrendous self-loathing when it's hard to actually kick oneself up the arse when one is feeling so low?

If anyone understands where I am coming from, I think we all need to learn to let it go - try to be a little happier in our skin. It certainly doesn't help when we are constantly bombarded with images of the ideal body (this, of course, applies to men and women) and there is a certain stigma attached to depression (especially with men!)

I want to get to the bottom of this and I want to find a fine balance between being comfortable and happy with my body but at the same time, become fit and healthy.

I turn 41 this July. I have been single for over twelve years. I need to start to appreciate myself and my body. The best day to start doing this is TODAY.