Losing Myself*

Just a quick blog post to fill people in a bit as I've been a bit of a lurker on Facebook rather than a proactive blogger recently.

The ol' depression has been a virulently persistent demon of late; partly brought on by the death of Fizzgig, but also due to the fact that I am so unhappy at work and at home.

One of the things that exacerbates the darker days is the knowledge that other people go through far worse and I beat myself up over it because I have no right to wallow in such maudlin self-pity.

I have also been having a few issues with my gut and I have had a few tests (blood tests, CT scans etc.) and all have been inconclusive to date. There will be more to come. It might just be all stress-related but it's best to go through the rigmarole of all these tests to get a satisfactory diagnosis.

My (handsome) doctor has put me on anti-depressants which irks me a bit as I don't think pills can cure the factors that are getting me down; but I am, reluctantly, giving my doctor the benefit of the doubt. I will also start seeing a psychologist again shortly in order to vent some of these dark thoughts that parade through my mind like a skulking, hungry panther.

I won't go into great detail here about the weighty chains of self-loathing etc. as it would be tiresome to all and sundry; just know that I am taking steps to come out the other side.

In a couple of weeks, I am going to have some time off work (as advised by others) and I intend to "regroup" myself (is that possible?)

I need to work out a new plan. I need to find a new life, new job and new goals.

Wish me luck!

(I should add that, without the support of my utterly incredible friends, I don't know where I'd be.)

*Going back to Will Young song titles for blog posts. Gosh, I love that talented, handsome man!