Friday, January 25, 2013

Afraid of Letting Go

This morning at work we received a notification from our HR department (I beg your pardon... "The People Team". Yes, seriously...) regarding a certain health and safety issue. It read:

After conducting an audit it is concerning to note that only a third of employees are holding onto the handrail when walking up and down the stairs. This is to ensure your own safety and the safety of others in the building. Please be reminded that all employees when walking up and down the stairs must hold the handrail. If you are unable to hold the handrail please use the lift.

My first reaction was "What the Fuck?" and then a feeling of despair crept across my mind. Then, once I shook off the depression, I became a little bit angry due to the whole 'conducting an audit' bit. Seriously? Has someone been watching our every move? Friends may have heard me say it before, but I like to say "The devil makes work for idle hands... so he created HR."

(I should point out that the people within our HR team are actually quite lovely - I am criticising the world in which we live, not the individuals...)

Going through the emotions, I eventually arrived at incredulity and amusement. I spent the morning clinging on to things melodramatically, cheering when I arrived at the bottom of the stairs unharmed and then sending amusing pictures of people falling down stairs by email to my friends and colleagues.

Maybe they should supply us with grappling hooks and harnesses.

I never want to be the person who writes on the comments section for online newspapers with cries of "Political correctness gone mad!" or "Nanny state!", but I do worry... I worry that the human race has become so obsessed with pseudo-precious legalities, molly-coddling the over-sensitive and protecting the morons. It makes me think of one of Edina Monsoon's rants:

"...we're not all stupid! We don't all need nurse-maiding. I mean, why not just have a Stupidity Tax? Just tax the stupid people!"

Although Edina is an absurd comic caricature, she makes a bloody fine point.

Just this last week there was an article in the news about a man who was told to change his T-shirt on an aeroplane because it was worrying other passengers. It read the immortal line:

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die."

IF this poor chap WAS a terrorist, I doubt he'd be advertising it on his T-shirt.

The media is incredibly guilty of creating this panic-striken society with its sensationalist headlines and fear-mongering articles - all for the purpose of ratings or sales. We've all been witness to those current affair shows which try to make us believe that everybody else is out to get us. Every man in the park is a paedophile. Every foreigner is a crook. Every teenager is a thug.

Oh, I seem to be digressing again! Sorry about that.

To summarise: Dear world, please stop patronising us. We're not uncoordinated, gullible morons. Thanks.

Footnote. To cover my OWN backside, I ought to put some sort of disclaimer saying "These are the thoughts, rants and mutterings of Ben Ripley and are not shared by this, that or the other, waffle, waffle, waffle." Oh, get a grip, people!

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