Am I Right?

• I would like a pair of underpants with the slogan ‘may contain traces of nuts’ printed on them.
• I wish God had designed us properly. Why can’t we just poo out the fat with the other unwanted waste?
• I become perplexed at the continuity announcer’s ability to make ‘Home & Away’ sound exciting or try to make me watch ‘Masterchef’ by saying “Sticky Date Pudding” in a dramatic way.
• I think people who torture animals should be punished by having the same things done to them – a fire cracker for a fire cracker!
• I sometimes think of myself as a good person but occasionally slip into a world of schadenfreude.
• I don’t like gay people who berate bisexuals. They seem to be hypocritical bigots.
• I love pigs but they are so bloomin’ tasty. I tried to be a vegetarian once – it lasted three days as I just had to have a pork sausage roll!
• I hate cat-haters more than cat-haters hate cats.
• I should have been on ‘Big Brother’. I’d have been great. Kicked off quickly, admittedly… but still great!
• I hate bullies. School bullies, thugs, Mafia types and Gordon Ramsay.
• I love the way Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter all have six letters. I hate the way Americans call ‘Autumn’ ‘Fall’ as it ruins the fun.
• I love the words ‘Acerbic’, ‘lackadaisical’ and ‘hyperbole’.
• I hate the words ‘Residue’, ‘Gotten’ and ‘Scrotum’.
• I say ‘Scone’ to rhyme with ‘Cone’ not ‘Gone’ – It’s only ‘Scon’ when there’s none left!
• I think childhood innocence should be protected. Let’s start from disallowing ‘Condom Kingdom’ stores from opening in high streets.
• I think Carrie Prejean answered the question correctly (even if I do not agree with her views). It was Perez Hilton who was being ignorant. Tosser!
• I believe that in today’s technologically advanced world, we should be able to watch any TV show off any TV channel whenever we want - legally (I’d pay!). It’d be great to shove the finger up at the advertising agencies.
• I think ‘Australia’s Funniest Home Videos’ should just be called ‘Videos’ because they aren’t all Australian, they aren’t all home movies and they aren’t funny.
• I want the world to know that plurals don’t warrant an apostrophe.
• I try to be open minded, I really do, but this ‘pregnant man’ malarkey is mental! If ‘he’ still has all the baby-making parts, he is not yet a man – sorry. STILL A WOMAN!